Directed By: Dorian Walker

MVP’s: Shelley Berman, Marcia Wallace, Zelda Rubinstein, Robyn Lively, Mandy Ingber, Joshua John Miller, Dick Sargent, Dan Gauthier

Review: The horniest teen movie you’ll ever see and, as such, the most authentic? Kid’s chanting “condoms”. Teen Witch hooking up in abandoned old creep-houses.

It seems apparent to this viewer that at one point the film was conceived as a full-on musical and I think it would have been better if it followed through on that idea. As it is it’s a halfway musical, there are a handful of diagetic musical numbers mostly excused within the fiction of the film one way or another. The teens are at a concert. Or, hey! The cheerleaders came up with a new song. The few “break-into-song” moments that don’t attempt to justify themselves through realism are the three baffling oh-so-white rap songs sung by the cool guys. The rest of the musical numbers still happen but just on the soundtrack. Like Teen Witch and hot quarterback Brad are at the Homecoming dance at the end and they’re realizing that they love each-other for each-other no magical manipulation and the soundtrack has Brad belting out his feelings and Teen Witch belting out hers and wouldn’t the movie be better if the actors were lip syncing these songs. Like, who are we fooling.

There are a lot of worse movies and if you remember the film at all it will probably alchemize in your memory as being better than it was but as is it’s a sexy saxophone-filled 90 minutes that feel more like 190. Lotta great old TV character actors selling bits hard and that’s a pleasure at least.

Was this cool when it came out? I can’t tell.

Halloween Score:

Autumn Vibes: 3/5

Scares & Chills: 0/5

Cultural & Cinematic Importance: 0/5

Monster Action: 0/5