Directed by: David Worth

MVP's: John Barrowman, Jenny McShane, Ryan Cutrona, George Stanchev, Bashar Rahal, Nikolay Sotirov, Rosi Chernogorova, Jordan Karaodjov

Plot: Lifeguard, lobsterman, and all-around rapscallion; Ben Carpenter is checking traps off the coast of Mexico when he finds a big honkin’ tooth. The powers that be want him to keep quiet but when he uploads the discovery to sharkteeth.com he gets more than he bargained for. True love. Oh, and also Megalodons.

Response: That drenching sun, that glow of surf. The sphinx riddles “what is more hype than a monster shark?” and the sage answers, to wit, “a prehistoric GIANT monster shark.”

Review: I feel like a lot of people only get Shark Attack 3 half right. Ok, it’s an infamous “so-bad-it’s-good” movie with weird line reads and cheap CGI and it includes this moment. But here’s the other half of the equation. It’s relentlessly entertaining, knows exactly what it’s doing at all times, and is filled to the brim with creative, playful, dare I say it, poetic choices. Sorry to disappoint, Shark Attack 3 is a banger.

One of the best film’s I saw from last years slate of pictures was Don’t Let the Riverbeast Get You. An independent B-movie with so much heart and charisma, so inspiring and hilarious. It rode the waves of it’s craft not despite the limitations of its resources and cast but neither because of those limitations, but some other third thing. Humanity maybe. Or earnestness. What Matt Farley and Charlie Roxburgh did in Riverbeast was akin to killing irony without depriving us of all the ridiculous fun. They levelled up “bad movies” to such an extent that no longer could we sit back, like our own personal Paul Scheer, and smugly condescend the Rooms and Ben and Arthurs of all the world. At last we could admit that we enjoyed this shit, not despite, not because of, but for what it is.

What Shark Attack 3 is is a Jaws ripoff. Steve Alten’s The Meg had also been recently published. But David Worth also decided to include frisbee dogs, John Barrowman channeling Tom Cruise so hard we’re lucky he doesn’t jump on Oprah’s sofa, slow motion elegant clown mask removes, beautiful stock footage. Basically everything he can to entertain you and to tell his story. When a character does a dumb and sexist riff on set about eating pussy, yeah, it makes it into the fucking movie. David Worth directed Kickboxer for fuck’s sake, he’s not dumb.

And don’t go looking for fights, the shark doesn’t change sizes. It’s a big, boat swallowing shark, I never once saw it shrink.

And the dubbing? Haven’t you ever watched an 80’s Italian genre picture? This is practically an aesthetic.

No Shark Attack 3 rules. Very special. Full of DIY movie magic. And also, yeah, righteously dumb. If Don’t Let the Riverbeast Get You was made by humane New England Dads, SA3 was made by horned-up beach bums. Really great.

Background: Obviously, two shark attack films preceded this. David Worth directed the second in addition to this and 3 marks Jenny McShane’s return to the franchise after playing a different character in the first Shark Attack. To date there is no Shark Attack 4.

Of course, “bad shark movies” are their own cottage industry. You’ve got your Sharknados and your Jason Statham Megs. Your late period Corman Sharktopuses and your Jersey Shore Shark Attacks. It’s an easy pick but my favorite post-Jaws shark flick is still Deep Blue Sea. Every couple months or so I think about LL Cool J saying, “you ate my bird” like the suavest.

John Barrowman went on to Dr. Who fame.

David Worth has done so much. DP’d for Clint Eastwood. Written a scholarly book on Orson Wells. I already mentioned Kickboxer which was an important film from my childhood and I think it’s in action that he’s most remembered. He made the Lady Dragon Cynthia Rothrock movies (and some other Rothrocks), and he shot Bloodsport. He also directed 20 other pictures ranging from horror, dystopic-biker-scifi, hardcore porno, Most Dangerous Game riffs, Dennis Hopper vehicles, Yakuza pictures and teary melodramas. Cinema salutes you Mr. Worth.

Can Kid’s Watch It? Why not. Middle grade I’d say is safe.

Halloween Score:

Autumn Vibes: 0/5

Scares & Chills: 2/5

Cultural & Cinematic Importance: 4/5

Monster Action: 3/5

Second Opinions:

"The effects are hysterical, the sets ramshackle, and once you’ve seen it, you too will bear witness to the special charms of this Bulgaria-shot tax-shelter vehicle." - Jason Shawhan, Nashville Scene

“Tell me that is not the worst ‘giant shark swallows a life raft’ scene that you have ever seen. Now tell me that you did not find it entertaining. Perplexing, no?” - Andrew Borntreger, badmovies.org

"Man, I wish I could edit/composite something as funny as the Shark stuff at the end of this movie!” - Drowzee on Letterboxed

Where to Peep it:

A word of warning, Tubi blurs nips! I hear the flick’s truncated elsewhere there too.

For the full unadulterated, areola-liberated cut, I went to CWTV.

Hint for Tomorrow’s Movie:

A golden-age-of-Hollywood creeper